I believe that glitter is going to save the world
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Nano starts in just a few hours.
This is the first year I have signed up with out any type of plan at all.
I'm not even terribly stressed about it. (give it a sec)
As long as I write more than 200 words this month, I will beat my lowest word count ever.
Ok, so now I'm stressed about it.
I dont have a story.
I dont even know how to think about having a story.
I used to have lots of stories that I wasnt writing.
Now I dont even have a story.
I'm not going panic though.
This is certainly not panic.
Nor is it a story.
But that is ok.
There is always laundry to do.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Life is good.
Therapy went fine today.
Have both clearer values and goals.
Am now freaking the capital F out.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
It is dry and warmish today.
Perfect for giving my shaggy lawn what will probably be it's last mowing for the season.
I am still sitting inside in my pajamas contemplating another Valium
and not at all interested in the yard.
Does anyone have any spare motivation they wish to sell?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
My family is giving up on me.
At the same time they expect me to stand with them as they rally around someone else.
How do you rally around a stranger with whom you share blood while you are dying?
Sunday, October 18, 2009
So, boring blog of doom.
Here we are again.
This day has been full of excitement!
We had both Pokemon and YuGiOh! tournaments going on in the store today.
It was crazy busy.
What else have I done?
I've pet my Aggie and my Gaddy and my Aedan on their heads.
They are still fuzzy and cute and quite lovely.
And then laundry.
The fun never stops, I tell you, it just never stops.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
It is hard to blog and avoid your life at the same time.
I have lived in my house for almost a full year.
It is still an awesome little house.
I havent done any of the things I had planned for this place.
I havent even finished painting the walls.
I want to put on my resolve face and get to work on some of this stuff.
I dont even know what my resolve face looks like.
I was just practicing in the mirror.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I usually start writing in some form or another about this time of year.
I become obsessed with whether or not to sign up for NaNoWriMo.
I have signed up every year for the past five years or so.
I have never come even close to the 50,000 words.
I dont know if I have ever even reached 10,000 words.
Right now I am leaning towards not doing it.
Which means that I will probably do it anyway.
Or maybe I will just continue with my boring blog of doom.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
So, I've been reading lots about Borderline Personality Disorder.
Pretty much all of the books say:
"People who know and/or love someone with BPD, the people with BPD are going to be jerks. Deal with it or leave them."
"People who have BPD try not to be such a jerk, ok?"
It's a wee bit frustrating.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
If I keep this up I may officially change my blog's name to Boring Blog of Doom - the way Rai gets to sleep.
I have a new friend - sort of.
She is as high strung as I am and I think I finally know what it is like to try to become friends with me.
I'm sure people looking from the outside cant tell if we are dating or friends or strangers from moment to moment.
Honestly I can hardly tell from the inside.
It would be nice to have a "non-store" friend.
Especially one that likes to play games as well.
I dont know if two high strung and insecure people should even be friends.
I also dont know if I can weather the "dating to friends to strangers to no contact for a week" for too long either.
Does that make me codependent?
The wanting more contact?
I've been talking about codependency in my therapy sessions and I just cant wrap my head around it.
It must be denial.
Gaddy stole my Sweet and Sour chicken off the table when I wasnt looking.
I have sticky red sauce all over my floor and backpack and puppy.
I suspect it is on Aedan's paws as well.
I havent rambled on and on and I am already getting tired.
Maybe I wont have to rename my blog after all.
No cookie tonight.
Monday, March 2, 2009
My really boring blog of doom actually helped me rest better last night.
So here I am again.
We had the big YuGiOh! Crimson Crisis sneak peek today.
I think it was pretty successful - 19 players.
This week I am going to try to spend time painting my Warhammer armies.
I should take a more active role in the Warhammer league I'm running.
For some reason I am watching When Animals Attack or something like that.
It makes me want to stay inside away from everything.
Nature is scary!
I should change the channel, I'm sure someone is cooking or decorating somewhere.
Chopped on Food Network. I can deal with that.
My super spastic kitty, Aedan, is cuddly at night.
She is very sweet.
Agatha will not come and sleep with me until the sun comes up.
She is a good watch kitty.
I have not experienced any of the THUNDERSNOW! that the weather channel has promised me.
I think I would be ok with never experiencing THUNDERSNOW!
I burnt my eyelid with grease spatter from sausage I made for my breakfast-dinner.
My dinner was yummy.
Eggs and potatoes with sausage, peppers, onions and cheese.
My eye hurts.
My kitchen counters are a fantastic 70's yellow.
I priced counters and cabinets and have determined that my counters will stay yellow for a bit longer.
My brother is coming home from Iraq in about two weeks.
We are praying for a non-eventful few weeks and safe travels.
I cant wait to see him.
I dont enjoy Throw Down with Bobby Flay.
I think the whole I'm-a-chef-and-I-will-cook-your-special-t
Thank you for letting me bore you for two nights in a row.
I am going to eat a cookie and then go to sleep.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
My sleep cycle is so completely crazy right now.
I think it's because I still havent settled into a good bedtime routine.
I havent written in my journal since before the big move.
I dont even actually know where my journal is.
I figured instead of digging through boxes and winding myself up instead of down, I would just try and write here.
Argh! My life is quite boring these days!
It's hard to have my boring evening journal out loud.
I am so burnt out with work.
I feel bad about having the best job in the world and not wanting to go.
I think I need to work on finding a balance so I dont dread going in.
My energy is always being drained and never refilled.
I've been training Gaddy a little bit.
He has sit down pat and knows that he has to sit before he goes in or out.
He can heel while walking on the leash.
He does his own sideways version of down and we are working on shake.
And he knows leave it (no more chasing cats! yay!)
I really enjoy working with him.
I love mah puppy!!
He likes living here because he gets to sleep in my bed.
He doesnt share well.
Some nights I wonder if this queen sized is big enough for the two of us.
I think I may have problems if I ever want another person to snuggle in my bed with me.
But nothing like that is even close to happening so I will enjoy snuggling with Mr. Gaddy.
Well, now that I have had a very boring brain dump, I am going to try to sleep.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I officially live in my very own house!
I've actually been here for about a month.
It's been great so far.
Week one I had to replace my hot water heater.
That was excellent.
Thank goodness for home warranties.
The house is a mess.
I dont anticipate being fully unpacked and set up for at least another month.
Then I will worry about painting and really learning the personality of my little house.
My puppy loves the place.
He has a great fenced in backyard to run and play in.
The kitties have moved from hate to extreme dislike.
It's a step in the right direction.
I saw RENT! on stage last week.
It was awesome!
I am currently enamored with Man v. Food.
My dog just came in from the rain.
I have a cold.
I am also currently enamored with Zicam.
And orange juice.
I have been twittering people via my store (username Mind_Games follow me!).
I will eventually take pictures of my perfect little house.
When I find my camera.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
11:26PM - From my brother
My brother is in Iraq. He sent me this email today.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
This has been a rough couple of days.
It started Wednesday, I had just finished showering and brushing my teeth and all that when my phone rings.
It's one of the guys from work and he's calling to tell me not to drink the water.
While I am on the phone with him, I get three text messages all saying the same thing.
Dont drink the water.
One of the texts was from my sister so I called her to see if she could answer the questions that the guy from work could not.
She had more answers alright.
The water in our little city had just tested positive for E. coli.
I was officially living a germaphobe's worst nightmare.
I suddenly wanted to wash my hands more than I wanted anything else in the world.
I took a big swig of Listerine and did a surgeon's scrub with hand sanitizer and busted into my hurricane rations for safe water for my pets.
I was saved by my friend and neighbor (work neighbor) who lives just outside of town.
His house is not on city water and he gave me a key.
Poop free showers FTW!
The shit water scare or "boil alert" as the news called it, only lasted for two days.
My love for hand sanitizer has gone from healthy appreciation to obsessive need - but that's okay.
In other news, I am not sure that I like my new therapist.
She called me an enigma.
From some people that could be a compliment.
Out of my therapist's mouth, I interpret it as "I have no idea what to do with you."
She also told me not to think so much.
Then she said I should just appreciate the joys that life has to offer.
That is an absolute negative trigger for me.
If I could JUST be happy or appreciate the joys that life has to offer or whatever bullshit she continued to spew while I sat there and over-thought about how I should NOT beat her to death with her nicely framed diploma, I would not have driven across town (expending precious gas!) in the middle of my work day to talk to her!
After that I did the only rational thing I could think of - I cut off my hair.
I have a mowhawk.
It is fabulous in that criminally insane meets tragic dyke hair meets edgy (over the edge?) game store girl kind of way.
And just to top of the week, my baby brother called me this evening.
He will be shipping out to Iraq tomorrow.
He'll be gone for a year.
He was calling to tell me he loved me.
I love him too.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I just finished watching season one of Dexter.
It's a dark show.
I feel guilty calling it good, but I must admit I enjoyed it and am looking forward to season two coming out on DVD.
I've had a rough time of it lately.
My therapist moved away in April.
We thought I would be able to follow her but, for reasons that I still dont understand, that didnt work out.
I have struggled with depression for years.
I walked down the brain numbing path of medication and fought my way back up that path.
Until this year, I had been medication free for about five years.
I guess that's a good thing.
I dont really know anymore.
I still had issues with my depression but I was functioning and fighting.
Last fall a bunch of things, including the end of my nearly three year relationship, pushed me over a new edge.
I decided to go back into therapy.
I dont typically like my therapists.
I dont like spending the first X amount of time defending my decision to not take medication.
I ended up getting assigned to a cognitive behaviorial therapy specialist, who was willing to do art therapy with me.
I felt like things were finally starting to line up.
I actually liked her and trusted her and felt like she had my best interests in mind.
I agreed to go back on medication.
Then she moved.
And I couldnt go with her.
Then my best employee told me he was going to have to leave.
Then I hurt my back.
And it is summer time which is rough on my business since I live in a college town.
I'm stressed out and I'm sad and I'm lonely and when it gets into the small hours I find myself thinking about how easy it would be to take one or two extra of those damn pills that I worked so hard to keep out of my life.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Gaddock is home!!
All the vet tech said he was very good.
He's the sweetest puppy ever!
He has to wear one of those cone things for a few days to keep him from licking his incision.
The cone makes him extra pitiful.
I took it off so he could actually get his face into his food dishes.
I will probably just leave it on him while I'm gone.
Right now he is working hard on his rawhide, not even Agatha can distract him!
In other news, I am getting ready to run my first Warhammer 40k campaign.
I have had so many people express interest in it that I am actually a little bit nervous about it.
I'm going to be playing as the planet where the guys are going to crash land.
I'm excited about the prospect of getting to use all of my armies in one project.
Enough dork talk for the moment.
I wonder if Neosporin will help keep his incision from getting infected?
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Gaddock is spending the night at the vet.
He's having his little manhood snipped.
I miss him SO much, he isnt a loud dog but his presence is huge.
Queen Agatha has taken over his pillow.
She will be very disappointed tomorrow when he comes trotting back through the door.
Today has been a wet and gloomy day.
It's done absolutely nothing for the riptide of depression working hard to pull me under.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I actually did things that did not involve work or my pets today!
I went and picked strawberries.
The sun was shining and the berries were nice and ripe.
I probably ate a pound of them while we were out there.
After berry picking we cooled off at the movie theater.
We saw Price Caspian.
I thought it was just ok although I did cry a few times.
A dropped me off at home after all of our festivities.
I took the pooch for a walk around the neighborhood and pretended like ending the day alone was a good thing.
Gaddock is still enthralled with yesterday's new rawhide.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
I must remember that I actually enjoy meandering about the neighborhood with my dog.
I mean he's out in our little yard 5 - 10 times a day and I walk him in the small area around these townhouses.
I got out of work while there was some sun in the sky so I leashed up the pup and we walked around for about an hour.
It was wonderful!
I had forgotten that this was such a beautiful neighborhood.
The trees and azaleas are in full bloom and kids dash through their yards with the promise of summer vacation shining in their eyes.
I bought my puppy a giant raw hide as a thank you for this evening.
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